Hi guys,
Welcome to my brand new blog! For those of you who don’t already know me, my name is Kisser and I am an instructor with Love Systems (formerly The Mystery Method). My primary specialities are day game, dates, and sexual escalation.
Since this is my very first blog posting, it seems apropos for me to talk about kissing!
It is important to realize that a relationship with a woman does not begin until you have sex with her. Soul taught me this one, and it is one of the most important lessons that I have learned. Therefore, up until you have sex with that woman, you can use kissing as one of your primary tools to bridge the gap between friendship and a sexual relationship.
However, not all kisses are created equally, and this becomes even more evident as you start dating girls of higher and higher value. While a low-value female might attach tremendous meaning to your first kisses with her, I’m sorry to say that most girls of high value won’t really think twice about your kisses with them. Up until you have sex with that girl, the kiss will mean so much more to you than it will ever mean to her.
Kissing is just another fun activity for highly attractive women to partake in. It’s the equivalent of you playing a game on your Nintendo Wii… it’s fun for a few minutes, you’ll do it to pass the time, but you’re not really going to be thinking about it much afterwards.
And as we’ve learned from Magic Bullets and the Love Systems bootcamps, if a girl is simply having fun with you, you’re stuck in the attraction phase with her which won’t get you laid.
This explains why you may have stories of that “perfect date” you went on that involved some kissing, but then you never heard from the girl again. Even if you got into the comfort stage with her emotionally, your physical escalation needs to be done properly as well. Otherwise you’ll end up in the dreaded friend zone.
The key to making your kisses matter — and putting yourself on the track to having sex with a woman — is to combine your kisses with sexual tension. Otherwise, after your date is over, the girl you just kissed is much more likely to be thinking about buying a brand new pair of shoes than having sex with you.
Braddock and I give a lot of great advice on sexual tension in our Turning Things Sexual audio interview, and now I’m going to give you some more tips that are directly related to kissing.
First and foremost, remember that you can’t build any sexual tension with your kisses if she doesn’t want to kiss you to begin with. So, be sure to climb the physical escalation ladder before you kiss her for the first time (while simultaneously climbing the emotional escalation and logistical escalation ladders). For example, you could build up from holding her hand… to putting your arm around her… to having her kiss you on the cheek. I often playfully ask my girl if she’ll keep a secret and I put my fingertip up to her lips. If she flinches or moves away from my fingertip, then I know I probably have more emotional work to do before I can kiss her. If she leans in or even kisses my finger, then I know that she would be receptive to my kissing.
When you do kiss her, don’t just try to ram your tongue down her throat. A great rule of thumb is to follow her lead. If she is giving you open mouth kisses, you give her open mouth kisses in return. If she’s going fast and furious, you go fast and furious. If she’s going slow, go slow. You have no idea how many girls have told me what an incredible kisser I am, when the only thing I was doing was just following what they were doing. But also feel free to break it up as well… you don’t have to be a slave to what she’s doing. For example, most girls won’t take the initiative in kissing your neck and shoulders first… you’ll have to lead on those things.
Here are some tips to build sexual tension when kissing:
- Be the first one to break the kiss. Most guys just keep kissing & kissing & kissing until the woman is ready to stop. If you’re the first one to stop, this will leave her wanting more. Stop kissing her and then go back to whatever you guys were previously doing (watching TV, playing pool, etc.). You can start up the kissing again a little bit later.
- Pull her in really close to you with your arms around her, say something in a quiet voice, move your face in closer to her like you’re about to kiss her, and then break all contact and pull away without kissing her. This will drive her crazy!
- Verbalize what you’re doing from time-to-time (not all the time, which would be creepy). For example, “Do you like when I kiss your neck like that?” This focuses the girl’s attention onto exactly what you’re doing, so she can think back and fantasize on those specific moments later.
- Speaking of verbalizing things, if she’s very responsive to your kisses, you can start sexually verbalizing the things that you want to do with her in the future. You’ll have to calibrate this with each girl that you’re with, but you’ll probably be surprised at how much you can get away with when explicitly discussing your sexual fantasies with her. If you want to keep this more generic, you can tell her something like, “If you’re not careful, you’re going to get me thinking very naughty thoughts about you.”
- There are more places to kiss her than just her lips. Don’t forget her shoulders, her neck, her cheek, her arms, her fingers, her belly button… and if your logistics are right, you can pull down the top of her shirt and kiss her breasts, and go from there.
- Throw in a little bit of light biting while you’re kissing her… work on lightly biting her lip, her neck, her ear. Do this lightly at first! You’ll be surprised that some girls like to be bit hard, but always start softly and see how far she’ll let you go with this.
- Gently pull her hair — but be absolutely certain that you do this the RIGHT WAY, not the wrong way. You don’t just yank on her hair. You slowly move your hand up the base of her neck, grab a handful of hair, and S-L-O-W-L-Y pull her head back a little bit. You can quietly say something about how she’s really turning you on.
- Whisper in her ear when you have something playful to tell her. This doesn’t even need to be followed by a kiss, but you can brush your lips across her cheek when you’re done whispering something to her. Then back away and go back to what you were doing, as if nothing happened.
- If it’s really on and she’s really into it, you can bend her over a table, slide up right behind her and start kissing her on the back of her neck, then lift up her shirt and start kissing her back.
- Vocalize how sexy or delicious you think certain parts of her body are. This is important when having sex with her, too.
You’ll notice that some of the above tips focus on push/pull, so you’re not always pushing (i.e. chasing her) throughout the evening. If you’re the only one initiating the kisses after several make out sessions, then you are only pushing. You need to pull back so she can chase you and initiate some of the kisses. Think about how you get a dog to chase you… you run after him a little bit, and then you stop and run the other direction and he chases you. Hell, this even works with my cat too (who often thinks he’s a dog).
I think you’re going to be surprised at how well the tips above work, because most guys try to avoid getting too sexual with women at first… which risks putting them in that friend zone again. But if you do these tips in the right way, the women that you build the most sexual tension with will be the women who are the most receptive to you later.
A few random notes on things that can ruin all sexual tension:
- You can ruin sexual tension if your kisses are too incredibly innocent. By innocent, I mean quick closed-mouth kisses on the lips, like how you kiss your mom or your little sister.
- You can ruin sexual tension if your kisses are surrounded by conversation where you are constantly trying to seek rapport with her. Be okay with breaking rapport with her! Playfully tease her about punishing her if she keeps saying something that you don’t agree with. Walk away from her and playfully tease her about leaving her mid-date if she keeps acting bratty. Playfully blame her for things that couldn’t possibly be her fault. Spank her if she doesn’t comply with something, and while you’re kissing her, stop and playfully tell her that you’re not going to kiss her again because you disagree with something she said.
- You will kill all sexual tension if you have bad breath. Always have fresh breath… do whatever it takes. Brush your teeth and use strong mouthwash before the date. Keep strong gum in your pocket. A friend of mine even has an “emergency kit” in his car with disposable toothbrushes that come with toothpaste already on them. Those can’t be great for the environment, but they can certainly be great for getting you laid.
Remember that as Savoy said in Magic Bullets, the goal of a date is to progress your physical goals with the girl as far as possible. The relationship does not begin until sex, so you will need to use kissing plus sexual tension to work your way towards sex.
